Welcome to the Aftermath
by KaiBlackRose
Summary: Alec can't be happy. He can't allow that of himself because he doesn't deserve it after what he has done.But when Magnus moves in to the apartment across the hall, Alec begins to feels differently the more times he spends with him. But people who don't remember the past are doomed to repeat it, yet people defined by it are not even living at all. AU Malec. No powers
1. Chapter 1

_Happy Holidays. This is a new fic I have been working on for a couple of days to help me recover from writing a novel in a month. It's a AU so if you don't like those don't continue reading this. I'm excited to work with a new fandom and a fandom that has the couple I have chosen to write about cannon. That's a little different. But I love Alec and Magnus, they have a lot of depth. I hoped I tapped into some of that here in the first chapter of whatever the heck this is suppose to be...hmm._

So, if you do happen to enjoy this brief chapter please feel free to favorite, alert, and comment (comments that are nice make a writers' day XD) because there should be more. Well I know there is lol.

~Kai

 **Welcome to the Aftermath – Chapter One**

The cold wind of a New York winter, whirled around Alec as he stared up at the night sky. He hadn't brought his jacket outside with him. Mostly because he hadn't seen the point. A light dusting of snow crunched underneath the soles of his shoes, as he stepped up on the ledge of the roof. Back and forth he scuffed his foot. Heal toe. Heal toe.

The sidewalk below was dimly lit with the flickering street lamps. It was easily a thirty-foot drop or more. If he just happened to fall, there would be little expectancy that he would survive. The idea of killing himself had crossed his mind, but he always hesitated, remembering that was a coward's way out. Yet, there was a part of him that wondered if maybe it would be easier on the people he loved if he did just happen to slip. It was horrible to think that, but his life was merely a mirror of the shattered, jagged pieces of what it used to be.

"I'm still here!" He shouted up into the black sky.

"Yeah, that's fine, but could you keep it down?" A voice startled him, and he lost his footing on the icy ledge. He started to fall backwards, but a pair of strong arms wrapped around him, twisting him around in the direction of the rooftop. His back landed in the snow as something heavy landed on him, knocking the air right out of his lungs.

His eyes were closed, when his back had collided with the rooftop. Now, as he blinked the open a couple of times, and waited for them to return to focus. His gazed locked with a pair of stunning amber eyes that gleamed in the dim light that illuminated the roof. Was that a natural color? Alec couldn't believe it. The unique eyes belonged to a handsome young man, clearly of Asian descent. His black hair was spiked up into a sharp bed of bristles that sparkled in the low florescent light from the on lamp perched beside the door.

"I'm sorry, generally when I have guys falling for me, it's not quite this literal," the guy said while trying to down play what might have happened if he hadn't caught Alec.

Alec just blinked at him, unsure what he was feeling. Slowly, the guy climbed off of him, and Alec tried to ignore the sudden quickness of his heart, and the tightness in his lower region. Once again, his body had betrayed him because no matter how much he wished to deny his sexuality but couldn't. And this guy was just a terrible reminder of that, but what was a little shocking was that this guy wasn't Jace. Before, it had only ever been Jace, to make his heart flutter in his chest like a caged bird.

"Magnus Bane," the guy said as he stuck out his hand for Alec to shake.

He just stared at it, until it dawned on him that it was his turn to reciprocate. "Sorry, Alec…Alexander Lightwood," he said as he gripped Magnus's hand tightly. He hadn't really meant to; it had just seemed to happen. He yanked his hand away, as his cheeks burned in embarrassment. It made him glad that he could turn away from the only source of light on the roof to hide his reddening cheeks.

"Okay, so now, you need to tell me, just what exactly were you planning on doing on the slippery ledge?"

Alec shrugged, but Magnus didn't seem to believe that this was an acceptable enough answer.

"I wasn't trying to kill myself if that was what you were thinking," Alec said, and Magnus nodded.

"Okay, so that wasn't what you were doing. Then please enlighten me as to what you were actually doing up on the roof with a slippery ledge?"

Alec didn't say anything because he didn't know what to say, to explain why he was on the roof in the first place. Sure, he had many reasons he for being up here, but none of them he wanted to share with the sparkly stranger.

"I needed some fresh air." It wasn't a lie, but it was far from the actual truth.

"Yeah, I don't buy that, but I get it. I won't pry. I was just wondering if I should be concerned."

Alec nodded. He could understand how Magnus would be able to jump to the conclusion he had. But Magnus had been kind enough not to force the truth out of him.

"What are you doing here?" Alex asked, feeling brave.

Magnus smiled at him, a stunning display of white teeth. It was almost a smile that Alec wished he could return. "Well, I just moved into the building, and I came up here to have a quick smoke. I mean, generally I don't smoke, but I've been stressed out recently with meeting deadlines and moving. And I also came up here so my cat wouldn't judge me on my poor life choices."

Right away, he could tell that Magnus was open. Magnus didn't have the layers of shame that Alec had. Then again, he was sure few people had the same kind of shame he did. For he felt shame with just about everything he did and everything he was. By the angel, what he wouldn't give to live with the freedom that Magnus seemed to have. Alec was chained, freedom always just out of his reach.

"How often do you come up here?" Magnus asked.

Alec shrugged again. "Sometimes a lot. Sometimes a little. It depends." Alec mumbled because again the reasons as to why were not something he wanted to discuss.

Mostly, he came up to the roof to get away from his life. He could barely stand to be in the same room as his parents. Not because he was angry with them, but he could only stand to be blatantly ignored for so long. There was too much guilt and pain that often he found himself suffocating. Coming up to the roof was like being able to break the surface after being forced underwater by an invisible hand.

"So, there is a good chance that if I came back up here I would find you?" Magnus inquired.

Alec's breath caught as he slowly nodded.

Magnus smiled again. "Good, because I feel like I might owe you something, since I did almost kill you."

Alec was about to say something, when the door to roof swung open and Jace stood there, with his hands resting on his hips. His blonde hair glowed like it was encircled with a golden halo, even in the dim lighting. His handsome features, set with worry. Alec couldn't figure out why. If he wasn't with Jace, he was on the roof. That was how it worked, anyways.

"Alec, it's getting late. Come back inside, and it's freezing, where is your jacket?" Jace demanded.

Alec had to fight not to roll his eyes because it usually was him to chide Jace, acting like a mother hen. Often enough his adopted brother didn't seem to mind. Plus, it was nice have someone actually display genuine concern for him.

"And who is this?" Magnus asked as he stepped away from Alec and held his hand out for Jace to shake.

Jace ignored it as he brushed past him to Alec's side.

"This is Jace, my brother." Alec supplied. It wasn't surprising that Magnus would show interest in Jace. Everyone with eyes showed interest in Jace. Alec tried to ignore the uncomfortable feeling clawing it's way around his stomach.

Magnus huffed in annoyance, but didn't say anything.

"What were you thinking, coming up here without your coat?" Jace insisted.

"I guess; I just didn't think about it."

"You never seem to think about it. You're going to catch pneumonia if you continue to come out here without your jacket." Jace said, as he turned to head back to the door, nearly running into Magnus in the process, and it was then that he seemed to realize that Alec hadn't been alone on the roof when he had first arrived.

"Who's this guy?" Jace asked Alec, still completely disregarding Magnus though they were standing right next to each other.

"Hello Jace, I'm Magnus Bane and I am new to this building." He held out his hand once more. Alec had to give Magnus credit if he was anything, he was tenacious.

Jace looked Magnus up and down, but still didn't take his hand. Magnus frowned and let his hand drop down to his side.

"Well, as much as it's been a pleasure to meet you Jace, I need to go and feed my cat." He walked over to the exit to the roof and stopped, turning and locking eyes with Alec. "I'll see you around Lightwood." He quickly waved over his shoulder and then he was gone.

"That guy looked like the rainbow threw up on him." Jace said off handedly and Alec flinched. It was those type of comments that made Alec hesitate to tell his brother about his sexuality. The other reason was that he didn't want to tell Jace that he in fact had feelings for him, despite knowing good and well that his brother was straight.

"He seemed nice," Alec replied. "Is Izzy back from Judo practice?"

"She's staying the night at Clary's." Jace said.

Alec's eyebrows shot up and furrowed into the center of his forehead. Neither of them had appeared to get along the last time they had all been together. Sure, Izzy had probably been kinder to Clary than Alec had been, but his sister hadn't seen the addition of Clary as a threat that would take Jace away from her.

"I think Isabella's reason for staying over was to find out more information about Clary's friend Simon."

"Seriously, Clary's nerdy friend that likes Star Wars? Star Trek? I'm not sure which one actually."

"Yeah, the very one. Life's weird isn't it? Because, I mean seriously, Izzy and that Simon guy? No way." Jace said as he tilted his head up towards the sky.

Being around Jace was like being around a livewire. It was very exciting, but it had the opportunity to be deadly. It scared Alec how much he relied on Jace to make him feel almost anything at all. Jace wouldn't allow Alec to become numb, no matter how hard Alec tried to be. It was one of things he hated most about his brother and it was also one of the things that he loved the most about his brother.

"Love is a funny thing." Alec replied as he wrapped his arms around himself. The cold now finally getting the better of him.


	2. Chapter 2

_Learn all about Alec's massive amount of guilt. He had his back turned for only a minute, but that's all it took. It's a terrifying thought honestly. Plus I think Alec handles it better than a lot of other people would, thought I wouldn't go as far as to say he's handling it well. A majority of these past events will take place roughly 5-6 months before the events that are taking place in the present. I hope made that kinda clear with them playing in the park at summer time, and in the present it is being Christmas/holiday time._

 _Anyways please read, alert, fav, but most of all enjoy the stor. It's been awhile since I put my work out there, but I felt like I wanted to share. So, please be kind. There will be another chapter soon, after I finish my hell week._

 _~Kai_

* * *

 **Welcome to the Aftermath – Chapter Two**

The soft tune of Christmas carols woke Alec up as he stared at the neon red numbers of his clock radio. A quarter to six. He had twenty good minutes before his parents got up. He sat up and swung his legs over the side of his bed as he tapped the snooze button to bring the room back into silence.

He grabbed a change of clothes and hustled off to the bathroom to take a shower. Today, he didn't have to worry about waking Izzy since she was staying over at Clary's and Jace had probably left on his early morning gym run.

The water was hot and steam enveloped the room as he stepped into the shower spray. He tipped his head under the water and it streamed down his body. He tried to suck in air to his lungs as leaned on the back wall of his shower as his legs turned to mush underneath him. But all his breathes seemed shallow.

No! He couldn't be having a panic attack, not now. He didn't remember thinking or seeing any of his triggers. He closed his eyes and tried to will it away, but he couldn't. His air intake was becoming smaller and smaller. He collapsed and the water pelted his face as tears began to well up in his eyes.

He was going to see it. He always saw it. It was his curse. It was why his parents couldn't forgive him. It was why he couldn't forgive himself.

" _Come on Max stay close. You don't want to get lost do you?" Alec called as he sat on the edge to one of the many fountains in Central Park._

 _It was a bright sunny day. The birds were chirping and people were smiling. It was a great day to be alive. Alec had promised that he would take Max to the park to play Frisbee for a couple of hours, since both were on summer vacation. Alec also knew he had been spending a lot of his free time with Jace recently and thought it might be a good time for some quality bonding time with his little brother._

 _Max danced circles around the fountain as Alec took a little break. The little boy tossed the Frisbee up and down to himself as Alec just watched amused._

" _I thought we were going to play Frisbee?" Max whined and Alec laughed._

" _Then what have we been doing? I've been running around for that dang disc for what feels like hours." Alec teased._

 _Max frowned and crossed his arms over his chest as he pouted his lip. "It hasn't been that long and you promised."_

" _Yeah, well I'm tired. I'm not saying we can't play more, but that right now I need a break."_

 _Max's small arms fell to his side as he nodded his head._

" _How about I go get us something to drink. Don't move okay?" Alec said as he stood up to survey the area of the park for a hotdog vendor, who might possibly have bottle water for sale._

 _Max nodded his head again, and Alec went off in search of something to drink._

 _Finding the vendor had been easy and quick, and it had only taken Alec a few minutes to pay for his water before heading back to the fountain where he had left Max. He approached the area and looked around. Max wasn't where Alec had told him to stay. He frowned as he drew nearer to the fountain and looked around. No sign of Max, what he did spot was their Frisbee bobbing in the ripples of the fountain basin._

 _Panic began to set in as he dropped the bottles of water he had been holding and started screaming his little brother's name._

" _MAX! MAX!"_

"Alec! Alec! Your fine it's fine, I'm here. It's just a dream." Jace's arms wrapped around him.

Alec gasped then air flooding his lungs like it was a tidal wave. "Oh god." He sobbed as he buried his face into Jace's shirt and sobbed. "Max, I'm so sorry." He mumbled over and over as Jace rocked him back and forth.

"It's okay Alec. It wasn't your fault."

Alec wished he could believe Jace when he said that. But he didn't All he felt was guilt and shame. Slowly Alec pulled himself away from Jace and looked at golden eyes. He could have never made it this far without him, but all Alec ever seemed to be was a burden.

"I'm sorry Jace. You're soaked because of me." He muttered, embarrassed that his panic attack had inconvenienced his brother.

"I needed to take a shower anyways. I'm glad I decided to cut my run a little short this morning, or this might have been worse."

He wasn't sure how things could be worse, because things to Alec already seemed to be pretty bad. Alec quickly turned off the water and grabbed a towel to cover himself up.

"Thanks," he mumbled and Jace nodded.

"Of course." Jace stood up slowly and back out of the bathroom.

Alec wiped the palm of his hand across the foggy mirror to stare at his reflection. His damp hair clung to the sides of his face and he ran his hands through them, making them look more disheveled than normal. Quickly, he got dressed and headed to the kitchen, where his father was sitting at the counter reading the newspaper. His eyes looked for the top of it for a moment, but once he had confirmed that it was only Alec who had entered he went back to reading. Alec's mother was standing in front of the toaster waiting for the bread to transform, and she didn't even look up from her task.

"Good morning." Alec said as he walked over to the coffee maker that sat in the far corner of the kitchen away from the others. He was the only one who used it, so that had been where it had migrated after the incident. One of his parents had moved it, but he hadn't had the guts to ask which one it had been. His good morning was met with silence, as he pursed his lip. He should have been use to this by now, it had been like this yesterday and the day before that, it had been this way since the incident. This had become the new way. His parents didn't talk to him because they didn't have anything to say to their son, who had lost their younger son.

His grip on his coffee mug tightened as he stared into the blackness of his coffee. How he wished, every morning that it would swallow him up, but it never did.

Jace entered the kitchen a few minutes later. His hair damp as made a beeline to the refrigerator. He pulled out the milk and went to retrieve a bowl for cereal. Alec watched from his corner of the kitchen as Jace worked quickly to assemble all the needed ingredients, and then scarfed it down in no time flat. It always impressed Alec, who would spend a good ten minutes in the kitchen before him, drinking only coffee and still not be done in the time that Jace was.

"Let's go," Jace called over his shoulder as he stacked his bowl in the sink.

"Goodbye Jace," Both Alec's parents say.

Alec bit his lip, but went to the sink and placed his mug next to the bowl, filling both up with water before they left the kitchen. He couldn't blame his parents for what they felt, what surprised him though was Jace refused to think like them. He kept insisting that it none of it was Alec's fault, and though Alec had never heard his parents claiming that it had been his fault fir what had happened. Their cold shoulders, often spoke louder than words.

A jacket landed on Alec's head as he Jace put on his own. "What? I can't have you not think about your jacket. It's barely above thirty degrees most days, and if I could I would also force you to where multiple hats, scarves, and mittens."

"Mittens?"

"What are mittens not manly enough for you? Fine gloves then."

Alec tried to smile, but fell short and looked down at his feet. Jace was always trying to help him, why did it feel like he could never help Jace? They bundled up and headed out of apartment.

"Oh Alexander, we have to stop meeting like this." The light playful voice of Magnus filled the hallway, and Alec turned.

He blinked as he took in Magnus, who was bundled up with a bright orange hat, scarf, and mittens. Jace punched in the ribs and pointed, and Alec scowled. Magnus's smile was bright, and his hair glittered in the lights of the hallway much more than they had in the florescent flood light that had been on the roof last night. And he was handsomer than Alec had remembered, and his cheeks burned as he rememberd being pressed against him.

"Good morning." Alec said as he tried to pull the collar of his coat up to hide his blushing cheeks.

"Good morning." Magnus replied back, and Alec stopped what he was walking and just stared at him. Magnus eyebrows furrowed together, probably thinking he had said something wrong. But that wasn't it at all. It was the fact that he had replied in general. No one ever said good morning to him, but in Jace's and Izzy defense they thought that no mornings were good.

"I'm sorry," Alec muttered and Magnus shook his head, not wanting Alec to apologize.

"I hate to be the one to break up the party, but I don't want to be late for class," Jace said.

Alec nodded as he waved goodbye to Magnus and hurried to catch up with his brother.

"Maybe, next time we could have invited him to walk with us. He seemed like he was leaving too," Alec supplied and Jace shrugged. He often expressed little concern for people he didn't know enough about, which was probably why it had been shocking when he brought Clary home after one date. Jace didn't reply to that, instead he clapped his hands together, while Alec shoved his deeper into his pocket as they walked to school. Well, Jace's and Isabella's school, because Alec had graduated last year.

"Man, it's cold, but it's crisp and refreshing." Jace, making small talk was strange. It was obvious that he wanted to cheer Alec up after what had happened this morning, but Jace couldn't seem to be subtle enough to do it that way.

"You know; I appreciate you humoring me with letting me walk you to school. You are sixteen after all, and more than capable of taking care of yourself. It's just that since the…" Alec's voice faded as he gazed up at the cloudy sky. More snow was on the way. He couldn't let himself think about it anymore today. One panic attack was more than enough.

"I understand why you want to do it, and I don't mind. You're my best friend Alec, I would do anything for you."

Alec opened his mouth to reciprocate, but was startled by the school bell that had begun to wail. He jumped slightly, while Jace patted him on the back in reassurance. Reassurance, for what Alec couldn't even begin to know for. The hand left his shoulder as quickly as it had come as Jace hurried off the redhead that was waving enthusiastically in their generally direction.

He gave Clary a tightlipped smile, a curt wave before he turned and headed in the direction of his own school. Columbia. When he had first applied he had known one hundred percent what he was going to study, but after having to defer his first quarter due to family reasons, and on top of everything else going in his life. He had grown unsure of what he wanted to do. He felt lost, which for right now was acceptable since he was considered a freshman, forced to take the dredges of the course booklet. They didn't know what they wanted to do, they just thought they did.

But he had had a plan, and in the course of one day, with only one error in judgement it had all changed. He looked around as he walked towards the subway. Most of the people paid him little attention as they chatted and texted away on their cell phones, ignoring the people that were passing them by. He couldn't ignore his world like that anymore, paranoia, and just a single shred of hope wouldn't let him.


	3. Chapter 3

_Here is the next chapter thanks for the faves, alerts and review... I have a vague idea where this going on. And right now everything has to hit the fan before resolution comes. There will be man confrontations, but right now Alec gets a little down time to figure out Magnus, though, he still remains a mystery, much like the real fictional Magnus. Despite reading the Bane Chronicles I still am in the dark about many things Magnus. Though, those short stories were awfully cute and interesting. Actually, I'm proud to say I have almost caught up (Still have clockwork Princess to read) with all things Cassandra Clare and the Shadowhunters. When I started this series, I had no idea what kind of undertaking it was going to be though I have enjoyed it a lot._

 _Now, I hope you enjoy this next chapter, please read, favorite, alert, and review. I love all those things very much. ;)_

 _~Kai_

* * *

The roof was now covered in serval new inches of new snow from the pervious night, as Alec pushed the door opened and walked out onto the roof.

The flakes of snow were kept growing in size as they stuck to the brim of Alec's hat. His eyes scanned the text across the page of his World Religions text book. He sighed, his frustration with the cold quickly getting the better of him, as he closed the book with a firm snap. This class had been the only humanities course left when he had registered late for his winter classes. Though, the discussions within the class had made him think of the faith he had lost. It had slipped away from him like dry sand through his fingers after Max's disappearance. So badly, he had wanted to believe that God would bring his brother back, but now six months later and still with his little brother gone he couldn't find the will to pray for a God that didn't appear to be listening.

"Damn Lightwood! Isn't there a better place to study?" Magnus's voice sounded and Alec turned his head to face him.

He shrugged because yes, there were probably a hundred better places than him to study than on the roof, where it was snowing. Yet, he didn't really want to be anywhere else because more than anything he wanted to be closer to home than the library at school was, so he could greet Isabelle and Jace when they came home from school. The only problem with that concept was that he didn't actually really want to be home either. So, he came up to the roof. Whatever season it was hardly mattered.

"Name's Alec." He hated being called Lightwood because that was his family's name and often enough they didn't seem like much of a family.

"Actually, it's Alexander." Magnus laughed and Alec was thrilled that the cold weather could hide his blush. Why did Magnus saying his whole make him so self-conscious?

"No one really calls me that."

"I want to call you that." Alec's grip on the edge of his text book tightened, and his knuckles went white. "Is that okay?" Magnus continued as he noticed Alec tension at his comment.

"Yeah, it's fine. It's just only my mother ever called me that." Alec didn't mention that his mother hadn't said his name let alone had a conversation with him in over a month. Perhaps longer, time had blurred together too much. "It's just that it caught me off guard, that's all."

"Your name caught you off guard?" Magnus sounded perplexed by Alec's statement, who just felt embarrassed.

Quickly Alec shot up from his crouching position as he tried to make a beeline for the door. Magnus's hand wrapped around his wrist and he spun around, his eyes locking with Magnus's. They were captivating and more heat rushed to Alec's face. How was this guy so capable of making him putty in his hands? He just had to look at Alec and the air rushed out of him, almost like it had never been there in the first place.

"You don't have to act so scared around me. I get it, you have problems, well I'm not so different. I have many of my own. I'm not perfect, no matter how much I try to appear to be," Magnus said.

Alec blinked owl eyed at him. "What?" He couldn't believe it. Magnus who seemed to have nothing but freedom. Then again, what did Alec know about Magnus, what had he had to go through to get the freedom he seemed to flaunt.

"I had quite a few issues when I was younger, and for a long time I couldn't move on from them. Then finally, I decided I wouldn't let them control me anymore. More than anything it helped me move on and forgive myself for something I had little control over."

Alec bit his lip. He couldn't do that. He couldn't forgive himself. Max was his little brother and it had been his job to take care of him, and he had failed. He didn't know what Magnus issues were, but he knew that they couldn't have been the same. Slowly, he shook his head because there was no forgiveness from where he stood, at least not until they found his little brother.

"You can't keep letting this guilt sweep you away in its riptide because eventually, you're going to drown." Magnus paused as he noticed Alec shivering. "Come on, since you obviously don't want to go home you can warm up in my apartment."

"You don't have to do that," Alec mumbled and Magnus's shrugged.

"I don't mind, and I would rather you be there, then freezing up here on the roof," he said, seeming to sense Alec's uncertainty. "Please," he then added, his voice soft like he trying to coax a fox out of its hole.

Alec didn't say anything, but he did nod his head. A big smile spread across Magnus's face and began dragging him to the exit. And Alec, just let himself be dragged. How long had it been for someone to be excited in his presence? As much as Jace and Izzy loved him they didn't acted thrilled, but then again neither did Alec. Magnus just didn't know better and was excited about everything. They made a quick trip down several flights of stairs until they were standing in the middle of the foyer of Magnus's apartment.

Even with just a brief glimpse of the apartment's foyer, gave away that Magnus's home was grand and opulent, with tall ceilings and a bright crystal chandelier. It had a tall coat stand in the corner by the door, with long lion paws for legs, but Magnus ignored it and tossed his mittens, hat, scarf, and coat on the floor beside it. Alec stared at the pile, and then hung up his winter items on the free hooks.

"How were you able to pay for this?" Alec asked as he gawked in awe at the glimmering chandelier.

"Most of my money came from my case settlement." Alec waited for Magnus to clarify exactly what he meant, but he didn't, he just marched away further into the depths of his apartment. "I'll pick it up later, first let me show you around."

Something nudged against Alec's leg, winding around his legs in a figure eight was a short haired grey cat with a black patch over his eye.

"That's Chairman Meow. He's a trip hazard but he's the best damn cuddlier you are ever going to find," Magnus called back towards Alec, who was still standing in the middle of the hallway. "Aren't you coming?"

That spurred Alec to move forward and follow quickly after Magnus. The tour was quick with the apartment only being a couple of rooms, and ended back in the living room, sitting on an indigo couch.

Magnus was flitting around like a humming bird, and Alec just watched him carefully. "I'll get you some tea." He paused, a worried look passing across his face. "Is tea okay?"

Alec's hands rested in his lap, as he listened to the clanking of china, and in a few short minutes Magnus returned with a tray of steaming mugs. Carefully, he handed it over to Alec, and then sat down beside him. He sat close to Alec, their knees gently brushing up against one another's.

"So… since I'm curious, and just so you know you don't have to answer if you don't feel comfortable, but how long have you realized that you were gay?" Magnus asked and Alec flinched, his cheeks burning. "I asked because I saw the way you looked at Jace. I can also see that he is painfully straight."

He should have known. Magnus had seemed perceptive since the first time they had meant, and he had never been the subtlest about his looks of longing he often had in Jace's presence. He had thought he had been so clever with hiding his feels, yet, first Clary, and now Magnus could just tell from a few minutes with him. Maybe he wasn't as clever as he thought.

"No one but Clary, Jace's girlfriend. Though, I'm positive my sister Izzy has her suspicions." Alec sighed as he decided he might as well confirm what Magnus had already correctly assumed.

"So Jace has a girlfriend and you're still pining for him? What are you trying to do, punish yourself?"

Alec had never thought of it like that, but it made sense. He punished himself in all other aspects of his life, why should he be surprise that he did it with his love life. The tea swirled around in his cup as he stared into, searching for the right words to say that might make him feel just a tad less pathetic.

"If Jace really is your best friend, then why don't you tell him that your gay? If he cares about you like the way I know you want to believe then he will not care. My best friend Ragnor, yeah I don't know what his parents were thinking either, but he seems to still like me even after I came out to him."

Magnus was trying to cheer Alec up, but he didn't feel all that cheery. Some people weren't suited to be in the closet, but he felt comfortable there, and often he gave himself so few comforts. Why was it so wrong that he wanted this one? Plus, he liked his relationship with Jace, it was what he knew and what was safe. He didn't need to mess it up, by mentioning something as unimportant as him being gay.

"I understand that coming out was a good experience for you, but I don't believe for a moment that it would be like that for me. I don't have the luxury of freedom."

Magnus pursed his lips like he wanted to say something about what Alec had just told, but decided to change the subject instead. "Okay, then I have another personal question and again you don't have to answer, but since so few people know your gay, have you even been out on a date? Been kissed?"

Heat rushed to Alec's face as he slowly shook his head, and once more he felt pathetic. Magnus's eyebrows furrowed as he gently set down his cup of tea on the small end table beside the end of the couch, before taking Alec's cup from him and set it down beside his own. Their hands brushed against one another's and a long lurched in Alec's heart startled him.

"Have you ever thought about it?"

Truthfully he hadn't given it much thought, until he had met Magnus up on the roof. Now, he couldn't stop thinking about it.

"Just tell me no if you don't want this." Magnus whispered as he leaned closer to Alec, his hand reaching out touching Alec's knee. He gasped at the contact when Magnus pressed his lips to his. Alec's nerve ending ignited like they had been struck by lightning. The air was pulled from his lungs, but he quickly discovered that he didn't care. So, this is what kissing felt like? It was nice. His hands traveled up Magnus's face and cupped it gently, and pulled him closer. At this opportunity Magnus deepened the kiss by rubbing his tongue across Alec's teeth, making him shudder in pleasure. And for the first time in a long time Alec felt free. But quickly that moment was over and reality peaked through the cloud cover that had been the kiss Magnus and him had shared.

Alec pulled away abruptly and shook his head. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that," he muttered as he shot up, trying to make a beeline to the door. But Magnus was to quick and ensnared his wrist in a tight grip.

"Don't be sorry. Obviously, I pushed you into something you're clearly not ready for."

He wanted to protest and tell Magnus that he had actually liked the kiss, and that he desperately wanted to do it again. But happiness was a comfort he couldn't allow himself. Someone had to punish him for what he had done, and he had been the only one to step up.

"That's not it," Alec paused. "I can see myself with you, but I can't. I can't do that?"

Magnus faced twisted into sorrow as he looked like Alec had slapped him.

"I mean…" Alec stammered desperately wished he knew the words that could clarify what he meant. "If I ever got a chance to be happy, I would want t' be happy with someone like you. But I can't be happy, I can't allow myself that."

Magnus blinked at him. "You believe you're not allowed to be happy?" Magnus muttered clearly having a hard time believing what he had just heard.

"I like you, but I can't be with you," Alec sounded desperate, like he was pleading with Magnus to understand. The grip around his wrist loosened and Magnus pursed his lips together into a thin line.

"Okay… but can we still be friends?" Magnus asked slowly.

Alec opened his mouth, but he found himself feeling speechless. So, he just nodded his head. There wasn't any harm in that was there? And he could limit his contact with Magnus, if he needed too. The thing was though, he didn't want to. Burning bridges because of his own deeply flawed issued seemed wrong. Magnus had been nothing but pleasant to him.

"Then please sit back down, finish your tea. Study here for a while if you like. I have to work a few orders for my clients, but I'll do it in my office so I don't disturb you."

"Okay," Alec didn't know what else to say.

"Okay? Good, I was worried that you'd go back up to that freezing roof. You can come over anytime you like. I won't mind."

Alec wondered if that was really what friends did? Come over, whenever they wanted. Though, he couldn't argue that the offer was better than freezing roof. His plan was to keep Magnus at a distance, which might have possibly been a thought of madness.


	4. Chapter 4

_Hello again,_

 _yes long time no write, but not as long as it could have been. My life has been kinda hectic, first with the holidays, then a family crisis, then trying to date someone (in the end they decided not to date me), and work. Like this week I'm working six days in a row, ugh. Anyways enough of me complaining about my rather great life that I am in fact lucky to have._

 _Nothing super special happens here, but I toned down the drama a bit, don't worry the next chapter is done as well and I re-added a nice amount of it. I think this might be roughly a 8-10 chapter story, maybe? I wish I was sure of this, like I am sure of a few other elements of this story. Anyways, I hope you stuck around and are excited about this mundane chapter ;)_

 _Please, read, alert, fav, review, and most important of all enjoy all the Malecness._

 _Kai_

 _PS. I'm actually enjoying the show a lot, the more Malec the better it seems to get...maybe I'm bias._

* * *

Chapter 4

Alec didn't know how to describe Magnus. He was the kind of guy that got excited over seeing the lightning rip through the night sky, only to be disappointed by the boom of thunder that followed it. Most of the time he claimed something as stunning as lightning shouldn't be followed by the horrible sound of something similar to a fog horn. Honestly, Alec didn't understand it, but then again, he was part of the masses that just accepted that the boom was the sound of Thunder and that it couldn't catch up to lightning no matter how hard it might try.

Magnus was the lightning and Alec didn't have a breath of hope that somehow he could catch up to what Magnus was. Confident in his sexuality. How had Magnus put it? "A freewheeling Bisexual". Magnus was confidence embody, while Alec spent much of his time staring at his shoes, hoping people wouldn't talk to him. But his new budding friendship with Magnus had proven to be like a breath of fresh air. No longer feeling as closed off, he found himself visiting Magnus more and more after the incident of their first kiss.

And before he knew it, Christmas came and went, with little celebration in the Lightwood family. This hadn't surprised Alec in the least, and now in the last few weeks he hardly found himself ever at home. Now, he was almost always snuggled up on Magnus's indigo couch with his text books scattered around him, while Magnus was held up in his office going over interior design stuff with his numerous clients.

That had been one the first things Alec had learned about Magnus, that he was an interior designer, and apparently a good one at that. He had a number of wealthy clients, all of whom he liked to bitch about.

"God, some people are so stupid." Alec heard Magus mutter from the kitchen, staring into the depths of the refrigerator. "Just so you know, I wasn't talking about you. I rather like you. Some of my clients on the other hand. If they think they can do it better, then why in the world did they hire me?"

Alec laughed softly as Magnus eye peaked around the lip of the refrigerator's door. "I couldn't tell you." He sighed and closed the book on his lap. It was relaxing being around Magnus, even when he was complaining. So much of Alec's former tension evaporated like water in the hot sun.

"Couldn't tell me what?"

"Why people would hire you, if they really wanted to do it themselves. Actually, it sounds like something my sister might do. She tends to like to feel superior, and would love to tell an expert that she knew better than them."

"Well, your sister sounds charming, kind of like a shark."

"You'd like her." Alec said, a grin spreading across his face as he just imagined Izzy and Magnus meeting. God, that would be both horrible and wonderful, probably at the same time, which would cause a paradox. Which, might or might end the world, but that wasn't something could exactly predict.

Magnus quirked an eyebrow at him, in skepticism. "Then, why don't you ever actually invite them over with you?"

"It's not my apartment to invite people over to."

"Your sister is hardly a person."

Alec laughed again. "Oh man, you have on idea, how right you actually are. I have thought about it, but she comes home so late these days. Judo Training. She's a black belt. It's kind of hard to believe, since she's so girly when she not in her gi. "

"Yikes. She sounds deadly, maybe my analogy to the shark wasn't so far off." Magnus mumbled as he closed the refrigerator and sauntered over to the couch, kneeling down on the backside, propping his chin on the edge.

"Everyone in our family has an athletic outlet."

"Really? What's yours?" Magnus inquired and Alec frowned.

Sure, he was getting more and more comfortable chatting to Magnus candidly, but still talking about himself was hard.

"Archery."

"Bows and arrows. How medieval."

"Have you ever seen a compound bow? There's nothing medieval about it."

"No, you'll have to show me. So are there ranges in the city where you can practice?" Magnus continued to inquire.

Alec bit his lower lip, and nodded his head. He hadn't picked up his bow in months, actually it hadn't been since Max had vanished.

"I'm really out of practice. I kind of gave up on it."

Magnus's eyebrows furrowed into the center of his forehead, obviously displeased. This was what Alec had a hard time understanding about Magnus. Why did he care? Alec had been nothing but evasive, but Magnus continued to push and get to know him better. He had insisted that this was what friends did with one another, but Alec wasn't sure that they looked at each other the way friends would. He was sure he didn't look at anyone else like he looked at Magnus.

"Well, I swear that I will get you back into it because I demand that one day you teach me."

Alec was certain that this day would never come, but he didn't want to say that. So, instead, he said, "Okay, that sounds fun."

A brilliant smile passed across Magnus's lips as he reached out and gently ruffled Alec's hair. "I'm going to keep you to that promise." He shot back up to his feet, and headed back towards his office.

Alec sighed again. He had said that he could be Magnus's friend and he wanted that more than anything, but a part of him couldn't get the kissed that they shared out of his head. It made him wonder if that maybe he would do better if he took a step back.

Izzy had a judo tournament tomorrow at the high school. He knew his parents wouldn't be there they were meeting with the private investigators that day. At first all of them went, but slowly life returned to its more or less normal rhythm. And it was obvious that the longer it took the less and less time his parents wanted to go with all of them to hear that there was still no news. Mostly, they were just waiting for the news they already had come to terms with. Max was dead. Yet, no one had been able to ever confirm that. So, his parents continued to go the meetings with the detective assigned to the case, just in case a new lead had been found. There hadn't been a new lead in months.

After all the meetings they left Alec a note on the counter, filled with little to no new information, but it made him realize that though his parents were conflicted with him, deep down they did still care. They didn't know what to say to him, and he didn't know what to say to them.

He tilted his head back and stared up at the ceiling. He always felt emotionally and physically heavy after he thought about Max and the aftermath his abduction had caused his family. None of them could move on, though often they tried to pretend too. Was that what he was trying to do with Magnus? Sure, he told Magnus they couldn't be together, but the more time he spent with him the more he wanted to make an exception. Yet, Magnus remained as platonic as ever.

Alec began shuffling and picking up his books, shoving them into his bag. It was getting late and Izzy and Jace should have been returning from their respective practice's soon. Though, they had realized that Alec no longer took refuge up on the roof, they still didn't know about how close he was becoming with Magnus.

"I'm leaving," he called, but heard no response from Magnus.

He was probably trying to smooth over the client he had been complaining about earlier. Slowly, he wandered down the hall, back towards home. He pulled open the door, but paused and looked back at Magnus's door before he entered.

Damn, what was he doing? Pining for the guy, who he told he couldn't be with? Plus, he knew Magnus was hesitant in his own right because of his weird feelings for Jace. Alec wished he understood what he was feeling, because before he had met Magnus, he had been certain of his feelings for his adopted brother. Now, though, they felt like maybe he was just using them as a place holder, because he had been too frightened to put himself out there.

"Hey! You could have told me you were leaving before you left." Magnus's head poked around his door as he glared at Alec.

Alec smiled and shrugged. "Just because you didn't hear it, doesn't make it not so. See you tomorrow?"

"Oh, most assuredly." Magnus gave him a wide grin before his head disappeared back into his apartment.

It suddenly didn't feel so hard to walk back into his house. He headed straight for the kitchen and right away began making himself some coffee. It percolated quickly and soon the black-brownish liquid, warm and bitter slid down his throat.

"What's got you in such a good mood?" Izzy's voice startled him enough to make him slosh a small amount of coffee out of his cup.

"You know better than to sneak up on someone, who suffers from panic attacks." He said in the most older brother tone he could muster.

"True, but you haven't had one in a while? Have you?"

The last attack he had had, had been before Christmas, and now it was well into January and a new semester for Izzy and Jace. Slowly, he shook his head.

"That's great, maybe you're finally allowing yourself to move on. Oh, it seems you've been talking to our new neighbor frequently. So, are you interested? Is something happening? Please tell me something is happening? That would make my day." She squealed as she clapped her hands together in excitement.

Alec bit his lip and shrugged. "I guess, I'm kind of interested, but I already told him I couldn't be with him." Izzy frowned as she punched him in the shoulder, making him flinch. "What was that for?"

"For being an idiot! You can't keep denying yourself happiness Alec. I won't let you." She sighed and wrapped her arms around him, in a tight hug. Yep, that was Izzy, hitting him one minute, hugging him the next. Honestly, though there was no one else he wanted in his corner more.

They separated and Izzy grabbed her own mug and filled it full of coffee. "So, are you coming to my tournament tomorrow. I mean, you better be." She said in between blowing the steam off the top of her mug.

"I wouldn't miss it for the world."

"I bet Jace will be there."

Alec stiffened, he hadn't been spending near the amount of time with Jace as he had before. In fact, for a long time he had become kind of dependent on his best friend, slowly now he seemed to moving away from him to spend more time with Magnus. Damn, why did all paths led to Magnus?


	5. Chapter 5

No reviews? Can't I have at least one on this new chapter? please? (I asked nicely) Though I can't complain to much it was alerted and favorited like crazy so I thank the long list of you amazing readers for that. Now please, read, review, alert, favorite, and most important of all enjoy.

Enjoy the big dose of Malec ;D with more to come.

~Kai

* * *

Welcome to the Aftermath

Chapter Five

Alec shifted uncomfortably on the hard unforgiving metal bleachers, but it was impossible to get completely comfortable. He stuffed his coat under his butt, which only caused him to slide and bump into the family that was sitting next to him. He apologized quickly and pulled the coat back out from under him.

"On deck, Isabelle Lightwood." The announcer called and Alec cheered. Sure, it still wasn't his sister turn, but he was here to be her supporter, so damn straight he was going to support.

"Alec!" He turned and saw Jace and Clary climbing up the bleachers toward him. He frowned. Even, if he had more or less accepted Clary as Jace's girlfriend that didn't mean he wanted them fawn all over each other.

He moved slightly, to make room for them.

"Has Izzy went yet?" Jace asked and Alec shook his head. "Good, I thought we might have missed her because Clary was so busy talking with Simon about his dumb band."

Clary scowled at Jace and punched him playfully in the shoulder. "It's not a stupid band to him. Be nice, Izzy really likes him."

"Don't remind me, she could do so much better."

Clary rolled her eyes and turned her attention to the judo competition in the center of the gym. "I could do so much better." She then mumbled and Alec couldn't help but laugh.

Jace turned towards him, looking stunned. It had been awhile since Alec had laughed at all. Okay, that wasn't true, normally, he just seemed to only laugh in the presence of Magnus. The opponents on the mat finished up there sparing and the crowded cheered as they stood up and bow to one another, then exited the mat.

Izzy and her opponent then crossed onto the mat. They bowed to one another and sparing match began. Alec watched it intently, or at least her tried too, but Jace's knee kept bumping into his. At first he thought it had been accident, until it happened again and once more after that.

"What is it Jace?" he asked, not breaking his concentration on his sister's match.

"I think we need to talk," Jace said in a soft voice, in order not to disturb Clary from watching Izzy.

Alec's eyebrows arched because he was confused. What did he and Jace need to talk about? Other than, oh no, this was not the time or the place. Though, it had been one of the few times he had really seen Jace in the past couple of weeks.

"Talk about what?" Alec whispered.

"Us." Alec tensed at the mention of the word us. What kind of us was Jace talking about? Because as far as Alec the only us they were was best friends and that was just fine with him.

"We really don't need to talk about that," Alec said, his voice laced with more venom then he intended.

"You're avoiding me. I mean, I thought your silly little crush would eventually just go away, but you're avoiding me like I gave you the plague. Are you just that ashamed?"

Alec bit his lip, fighting back tears. Jace thought his feelings were silly and that he was ashamed? He hadn't wanted to tell Jace about Magnus, afraid that maybe that might jinx it. It seemed silly now that Alec thought about it because there was nothing to jinx because Alec himself had made sure of that.

"You knew?" Alec stammered feeling suddenly exposed under Jace's gaze.

"It was obvious, and I just want you to know that I'm fine with you being gay. But I think that you should try to get over your silly crush on me because I'm straight."

"I get it, and thanks for thinking my feelings are so silly. I got it." He snapped, his voice raised, loud enough to get Clary's attention. She frowned at them and pointed to Isabelle. This moment wasn't about him and he had promised Izzy he was be there to support her.

"No, I didn't mean it like that."

"Really, because that what it sounded like to me. I'm sorry to burden you with my silly feelings. I promise I won't do that anymore." Alec shot up from his seat, just as the buzzer rang, indicating that Izzy had pinned her opponent and won her match. The crowd applauded as Alec began moving down the rows in the bleachers.

He apologized to the spectators as he pushed through them to bottom, ignoring all of Jace's calls to him. Quickly, he hustled to the bench and patted his sister on the back.

"Good job out there, but I got to go."

Izzy's eyebrows furrowed into the center of her forehead. "What's going on?"

"Nothing serious, I'll text you later. And again good job out there, you were amazing."

She frowned, but nodded her head as he gave a weak parting smile as he walked out of the gym, pulling the collar of his coat tighter around his neck to protect him from the cold. His name fading into the background as the doors closed behind him.

* * *

He didn't wait for Magnus to answer his door, instead he walked straight in. Magnus himself, was lounging on his couch, cat in his lap, coffee in one hand, a book in the other. His eyes darted from the book to Alec.

Alec's hair was flecked with snow, and his face red. He had run a good majority of the way there. It hadn't been one of his prouder moments, but he didn't know where else to go. The only other place was the roof, but he hadn't been up there in weeks, but the biggest reason he didn't go was because Magnus wasn't there.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to barge in."

It was that next moment that he felt the levee break and the tears he had been fighting began spilling down his cheeks.

Magnus jumped up from his seat, spilling the Chairman on the floor. "Alexander, what is wrong?"

Alec rubbed his fists into his eyes, to hopefully stop the tears, but it didn't help and he reached out to grip the edge of the couch like it was a life line keeping him afloat. He had been so comfortable with where him and Jace stood. Now, it felt like the earth was crumbling out from under him, leaving him with one option, to fall.

"He knew the whole time. He knew the whole time and he thought my feelings for him were silly and that I was ashamed." Alec stammered as he continued to rub the tears from his eyes with more force than he needed.

Magnus halted in his tracks and just stared at Alec. "You're upset about Jace knowing that you like him?"

Alec blinked at Magnus in shock as he shook his head. Hadn't he been paying attention. No, he was upset that Jace had thought his feelings were silly. Or was it that Jace knew about his feelings and hadn't said anything. His brother had left him in a lurch, hanging onto hope that had never been there in the first place. But Alec had known that from the beginning, hadn't he? The thoughts twisted and turned inside of him, until they were knots.

"Yes, I mean no. I'm not sure. I guess I just thought Jace and I were close enough to tell each other anything."

Magnus frowned. "Don't you think that's a tad hypocritical Alexander?"

He felt light headed and leaned even more on the edge of the couch to keep himself upright. Again, Magnus was right. Alec closed his eyes and took in a deep breath that felt heavy as he felt the air settle in his stomach like it was made of rocks.

"No, I mean yes."

"What do you feel right now, about Jace's admission, I mean?" Magnus asked.

"Relieved." Alec breathed out his lungs full of rocks as he stared at Magnus.

His grip on the couch loosened and he pushed himself off, stumbling over to Magnus who just staring at him blankly, like Alec had spoken to him in some sort of foreign language that he didn't understand.

"That wasn't what I thought you'd say." Magnus mumbled, and Alec nodded as his came up and cupped Magnus's face. Magnus had thought that Alec was going to be heart broken, only he wasn't.

Together they stared at one other for a long minute. Finally, Alec leaned in and kissed Magnus, who gasped in shock. Though, it didn't take long for Magnus to catch on and shift into dominance mod, taking hands full of Alec's coat and shoving him up against the wall adjacent to them.

"Damn it Alexander, I have been wanting to do that for weeks." Magnus said in between harsh kisses that stole Alec's breath away. "Then there you are, making the first move. You're supposed to be the novice here."

"I was the one that told you I just wanted to be friends. I figured it was my move to change what I had originally laid down."

Magnus pulled away and led him gently to the couch, and sat down. Quickly, Magnus pulled Alec onto his chest. Alec laid on Magnus's chest listening to the soft beating of his heart. For so long Alec had been trying to deny himself happiness, but with Magnus it just felt so natural that being happy was what he wanted. And for the first time in a long time he didn't feel guilty about finally deciding that happiness was what he was going to strive for. It seemed silly, but Alec had spent months blaming himself for everything, but with Magnus he could be himself and just being that made him feel hundred pounds lighter.

"Why did you change your mind?" Magnus asked in a low voice, like he might be afraid of the answer Alec would give him.

"I have never felt this way about anyone other than you. Sure, I thought I loved Jace and I do, but it's not the kind of feelings I have for you." Alec whispered, as his cheeks flooded with heat, embarrassed.

Magnus smiled at him as he gently carded a hand through Alec's dark locks. "It feels like it's been a long time for me, since I've felt the things I feel for you too. I've shut myself off for so long, and then I saw you standing on the edge of that roof shouting up at the sky claiming that you were still there facing all that life has thrown at you. Where I run, I always run away from my problems. You made me want to change in that moment, and I haven't been able to stop thinking of you ever since."

"Yeah, same here." Alec muttered, his eyelids growing heavy, falling quickly into sleep.


	6. Chapter 6

_Thanks so much for the positive reviews on the last chapter( is there any chance I can request more?). I'm surprised there weren't more Jace sympathizers. He too has been through a lot as well. Max was like a brother to him too. Sure, he has no tact, but no Herondale does, and he thought he was doing the right thing, and it did help Alec realize that he might possibly want to pursue Magnus. So, you should all be thanking him...okay maybe not he has a big enough ego as it is._

 _Anyways, please read, review, alert, favorite, and most of all enjoy. All mistakes are mine...I do edit my chapters, but you should never be your own copy editor (just throwing that note out there into the world)_

 _~Kai_

* * *

Alec felt something brush across his cheek and he blinked his eyes open. The sunlight streamed into Magnus's apartment and felt warm against his skin. He smiled as he remembered last night. He had overcome his fears and had kissed Magnus. His nerve endings were lit up like someone had set a fire underneath his skin. The fear and the illation all coming to converge at once. It was unlike any feeling Alec had felt before. And despite the chaotic feelings tumbling through him, he finally felt a sense of peace.

"Good morning," Magnus's voice still sounded heavy with sleep.

Had they really slept on the couch all night? Yikes he was going to feel that later, but that somehow didn't seem to matter. Right now all Alec wanted to do was study and imprint this memory into his mind. He couldn't let himself forget who he was or how he felt in that exact moment. The way, he felt for Magnus and the way Magnus felt for him.

"Good morning," he replied back as he shifted slightly so he could reach up and touch Magnus's face.

Even with his hair sticking up in all directions Magnus looked beautiful. Was it all right for Alec to think that Magnus was beautiful, or was that too girly of a thought? No, it was the only word fitting enough for Magnus in the moment. All the other words would have been pale in comparison.

"We should have gone and lounged in my bed. Our backs are going to be protesting about this all day. Hey, what do you want for breakfast?" Magnus then asked abruptly changing the subject.

Slowly and gently Magnus shifted himself out from under Alec and sauntered to the kitchen. His hips swaying. Alec smiled and sat up.

"I don't normally have anything for breakfast. I tend to stay out of the kitchen as much as possible."

Magnus frowned. "Why?"

Alec's mouth went dry. Was it the right time to tell him about him family? And how everyone in his family had taken Max's disappearance terribly, which was of course the only way anyone could have taken it. He didn't want to shove all his baggage onto Magnus before whatever it was they had, had even started. He shook his head to remove the thoughts. No, this wasn't the time to remember the moment that haunted his memory, when he was trying to create new and better ones with Magnus.

"I don't get along with my family much. If you hadn't already guessed."

"The gay thing?" Magnus continued to inquire, but most of his attention had been drawn into the contents of the refrigerator and the task of making breakfast.

Alec wished that it was the gay thing that his parents had a problem with. He was pretty sure his parents would be able to more or less able to handle that, him being gay wasn't couldn't possibly have been worse then what had happened to Max.

"Yeah, that's part of it." Alec lied. Great, now he was tainting the memory with a lie. Just what the hell was he doing? He bit his lip and turned to look out the window, in order to not have to look Magnus in the eye.

"Well, we don't have to tell anyone about us, quite yet. I understand that coming out and actually getting a boyfriend are two very separate things."

Alec jerked his attention from the window to blink at Magnus in surprise. This had been the last thing he had expected to hear from the other man. His eyes grew wider as heat rushed to his cheeks. "You're my boyfriend?" Alec asked slowly afraid that he had just made up all that he had heard.

Magnus's shoulders slumped. "Yeah, I mean, I guess that's kind of what you are. But I will need to take you on a true date to make it absolutely official."

Dating? Alec hadn't even thought of that. Alec had only been on a couple of dates most of them just consisting of getting coffee with most of them being with girls that had expressed interest only to discover the hard way that Alec himself didn't have much interest, but had been too nice to turn them down. It was all innocent then, but looking at Magnus now it didn't feel so innocent. There was something deeper there because both him and Magnus wanted it to be more than just a cup off coffee in the middle of the afternoon.

"Dinner? Movie? Okay no, that's to cliché. I'll plan something better than that," Magus said as he peaked his head around the lip of the refrigerator door and gave Alec a big smile.

Alec smiled back. It was then that he noticed the time on the oven's digital clock that glowed red stick numbers at him from behind Magnus's head. It read 9:30. Crap! He scrambled and pulled his phone out of his jacket pocket and noticed the many missed calls from both Jace and Izzy. Though, there were far fewer from Izzy, with her leaving only one voicemail and three text messages. Jace on the other hand had called him ten times leaving three different voice mails and seven text messages.

"Shit," he mumbled and Magnus walked back over to the couch to see what had troubled him. "I need to call Jace back. He's probably worried because I didn't come home last night."

Magnus nodded and headed back to the kitchen, mumbling something about either making pancakes or omelets. Alec's stomach growled and secretly hoped that Magnus would make both. Not that he needed both, but they both sounded good and he didn't want to have to choose.

Quickly he dialed Jace's number and on the first ring Jace picked it up.

"Where the hell are you?" He demanded.

"At a friend's house." There was a long silence that followed because Jace probably didn't know that Alec had other friends.

"I think we need to talk and I don't appreciate you going MIA. Izzy's upset that you ditched her tournament."

Alec's grip around his cellphone tightened. How could Jace feel justified in lecturing him? "I apologized to her. And if you had just bothered to wait a couple of hours then you probably wouldn't be lecturing me. God, you always have to make everything about you. Well guess what it's not." Alec snapped and after the words left his mouth he regretted them.

"No Alec, everything is always about you." Jace snapped back, making Alec flinch. His best friend had been there for him. Both Izzy and Jace had been catering to him, in order to push him up out of his mountains of guilt he felt.

"Jace, I'm sorry, I didn't mean." Alec said into dial tone.

He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. Slowly the perfect moment from that morning was ebbing away. But that was the problem with time, it just continued on, others be damned. That tended to happen when life reentered the moment. It kept pressing forward, while Alec was clinging to present, trying not to be left behind but too scared to always step forward.

His phone buzzed and he opened his eyes, Izzy named flashed across the screen. He answered it.

"Izzy, tell Jace I'm sorry."

"I'm not your go between, figure this crap out amongst yourselves. What I do want to know is where the hell are you?"

"At a friend's house."

"Bullshit. Tell me the whole truth Alec. You weren't on the roof we don't know where to look for you anymore. You know how I feel about people I care about falling off the radar. You told me you would always text me where you were going, after what happened to Max."

Alec bit his lip. He understood Izzy request. After Max's disappearance, she had since asked that if they were going to spilt up at any time after school hours they would text her when they were coming home, or they would go meet up on the roof, no matter the weather. Both Alec and Jace had sworn to do this and Alec had been MIA with no text message telling his sister where he was. Nor, had he showed up on the roof at any time last night.

"I'm trying to be happy." He whispered into the phone and then heard Izzy squeal on the other end of the line. Obviously, he was mostly forgiven for his transgression.

"You're with that guy? The one you told me it that it wasn't serious, but it is, isn't it? Or it's getting to be."

"It's becoming serious, yes. I just wanted

* * *

to call and tell you that I'm fine and safe at his place."

Izzy sighed. "Thanks for telling me. And please, patch things up with Jace. You both need each other, more than either of you would like to care to admit. Also, I think you should tell him about your…" Izzy paused. "friend?" There was the tone of a question in her voice, wondering if her word choice had been correct.

"I will. I just hadn't…" It was Alec's turn to sigh. "I was living in a world where I had thought Jace was oblivious and that just wasn't true. I should have given a lot more credit than that. I will apologize and tell him soon, but right now I just wanted too." His voice trailed off as he stared over towards the kitchen, where he saw Magnus moving around throwing cracked eggs and flour into bowls as he stirred rapidly. His smile was bright as he looked over at Alec, their eyes locking onto one another. Heat rose to Alec's cheeks, but he just continued to stare at Magnus. How had he managed this? How could just one person turn his life around so completely?

"I get it. Enjoy your breakfast with your friend, but please come home soon." The line clicked as Izzy hung up.

Alec shoved his phone into his pocket. It seemed strange. Izzy had told him to come home, but honestly he felt more at home here in Magnus's apartment. It had been like home since he had first walked into Magnus's place and saw the damn indigo couch.

"Everything okay?" Magnus asked as Alec trudged into the kitchen.

"Not really, but for right now I'm just going to let things be, since right now I only want to be with you."

"That's a good answer." Magnus said as he pushed a plate full of pancakes and scrambled eggs towards Alec. "It's like an omelet, only lazier." Magnus then continued with a quirked up eyebrow and a smirk that could have rivaled Jace's.

Alec couldn't help but laugh as he began to shovel breakfast into his mouth.

* * *

A little after 10 am Alec finally thought it was about time that he headed home, but that hadn't been until after him and Magnus had had a heated make-out session on the couch. Quickly, he pulled on his jacket as he began waving good bye to Magnus who complained that he had to make a number of business calls since he had neglected all of them yesterday, after Alec's sudden arrival.

They kissed each other on the cheek as Magnus wound a scarf around Alec's neck, hiding the hickey that he had given him. "for prying eyes." He winked and vanished off towards his office.

Alec smiled after him as he headed back towards what was technically his home. It took all but three minutes and that was more because Alec hadn't hurried. Facing Jace was something he knew needed to done, but had little desire to actually do it. Though, he knew Jace was too important for him not to do anything.

His hand hesitated on the door knob, but before he could open it swung open and Izzy stood there, her phone ready in her hand. She blinked in surprise to see Alec standing there, but quickly recovered and flung her arms around him.

"They think they found Max and he might be alive," she said, her face buried into his shoulder, tears beginning to dampen his coat.

"Max might be alive?" Alec stammered, his knees beginning to buckle out from under him, only to be hoisted up by Jace, who had come up behind Izzy and wrapped his arms around the them. Then the three of them together stood there holding each other and crying.


	7. Chapter 7

_Hey all,_

 _I'm so sorry and that's where I'm going to leave this._

 _Please Read, fav, alert, review, and most of all enjoy._

 _~Kai_

* * *

The police precinct was cold and Alec wrapped his arms around himself tighter He was ready for spring to arrive. The snow that had accumulated throughout that winter had finally begun to melt, which made the streets a soggy mess for traffic. But not even the terrible traffic could ruin his high. Things were looking up. He had found Magnus and had started to believe he could be happy again, and then after so many months there was finally news about Max.

The whole Lightwood family was there, standing huddled together. His father, his mother, Izzy and honorary Lightwood Jace. When was the last time they had all bothered to be in the same room together? Not since Max's initial disappearance, if Alec remembered correctly. His parents had often found excuses not to be in the same room with him, because they didn't know what say. No one knew what to say, but his parents were the worst of all. Yet, there they all stood in a crescent shape around the lead detective's desk, pressed into each other's sides.

The poor man had dark rings around his eyes showing that the last few days he hadn't been getting enough sleep. His hair was unkempt and shot up in various directions making it a chaotic state of affairs. Alec had liked him though and he had always been nice to him. The detective had been one of the few people, who had taken the time to check up on Alec at the time Max had vanished, and told him over and over that it hadn't been his fault that that had happened.

"When will we get to see him?" Izzy said, leaning forward over Alec's shoulder, which impressed him because she was good three for inches shorter than him. But then again all of them had their adrenaline pumping at the thought of being able to see Max.

"Actually," The detective said, his voice sounding heavy. Alec' held his breath, when the detective paused it was generally not to tell them good news. "We haven't confirmed that Max is there, but an officer did find a number of missing children, who had been snatched around the same time, with a few vaguely meeting Max's description."

Alec's heart beat sped up. For a brief moment he had thought that maybe they had come all the way down there for nothing. He had thought that this had been a sign from God. When Alec had finally been able to forgive himself, god would bestow him with what he missed most… Max. How he hoped that was true.

"It may be a little while for us to confirm that Max is among them. So please, have a seat." The detective said as he gestured to a row of chairs off to the side from his desk. The Lightwoods nodded and slunk down into them.

Izzy squeezed Alec's hand so tightly that his knuckles were turning white, but he couldn't bring himself to pull out of her grip. Then together they sat and waited. There wasn't much less they could do.

Izzy head was heavy on his shoulder as Alec looked at his phone. It was just past 3pm and they had been at the precinct since 9am. Still the detective hadn't come over to talk to them, since they had sat down. They had watched a few other broken families had come in and had wept as they discovered the truth about their missing family member. Some of their family members found, and some of them still lost. All of it was followed by tears.

Finally, at 5pm the detective walked over to them and shook his head. That was it. Max hadn't been among those found. The air vanished from Alec's lungs as he felt Izzy wrap her arms around him an d buried her face to his neck and sob. Jace's eye glistened with the threat of tears, but none spilled down his cheeks. His mother buried her face in her hands as his father rubbed comforting circles on her back. Alec just sat there expressionless. He was unsure what he should be doing in that moment, so he just continued to look straight ahead at the detective's desk, counting the paperclips in his clear plastic container.

"I'm sorry, but none of the children found match Max's complete description or even answered to the name Max. We might have you come in tomorrow to completely confirm this, but it's still not likely that any of them are Max" The detective said to his mother and father before he leaned down in front of Alec. "You look a lot better than the last time I saw you kid. So, whatever it is your doing, keep doing it." He patted Alec's knee as he then turned his attention back to Alec's parents.

Everyone was somber on the way home, all of them refusing to speak to one another, all of them unwilling to show just how much each of them were breaking inside from the news.

Izzy was the one that broke the silence. "I think I'm going to go spend the night with Clary," she said softly, their parents nodded their heads.

"I should go with and tell Clary the news." Jace mumbled, before he stole a quick look at Alec.

Alec stared straight ahead but he could feel Jace's eyes bore into him. After everything that had happened there were just a few things about his adopted brother that he could just sense. Jace wanted to make sure Alec didn't break down. He wanted to make sure he was there for him. Alec could appreciate that, but he didn't want to spend time with Jace. Sure, they were no longer angry with one another, but mostly, Alec wanted to be alone.

"I'm fine," he lied and Jace nodded his head. They both knew Alec was lying, but neither of them really knew what to say to one another. Jace wasn't one to press unless he knew Alec was receptive, and right now he was anything but receptive.

"Are you going to see your friend?" Izzy inquired and Alec shrugged.

He wasn't sure he wanted to see Magnus, what he was sure of though was that he needed time to process all of this. But how long would that take? It had taken him months to be able to believe that he could have happiness that was now growing inside of him. Would he revert back to where he had been? God, he didn't want that. That had been such a horrible place. So much loathing, it often surprised himself looking back on those days that he had even bothered to get out of bed. But where did one go when your hope was lost?

"I don't know," Alec said.

And the group fell silent once again.

* * *

Alec stood on the ledge of the roof, staring out at the city. The lights glistened in the windows of skyscrapers as office building lights projected random bursts of lights with the parts of the New York night Alec could see. His feet had brought him there on instinct more than desire of will. The roof was where he went when he had wanted to escape life. He then looked down at the pavement below and the ant people, who were hurrying on their way to wherever they needed to be. How many times had he contemplated just slipping off the edge, but at the last minute would change his mind? Honestly, he couldn't begin to fathom bestowing that kind of selfishness on Izzy. She had already lost one brother; how could he make her suffer through the loss of two?

The wind had picked up slightly, and Alec had discarded his coat, tossed on the ground in a crumpled heap. It hadn't been since his first meeting with Magnus that he had went anywhere without his coat. Now, it felt too confining.

"Alexander?" Magnus voice sounded and Alec turned to look over his shoulder. "What are you doing up here? I thought you were coming over to my place?"

"I didn't want to," Alec said as he stepped down off the ledge and onto the flat stance of the roof. That answer was half true, he hadn't wanted Magnus to see, the burnt out and hallow shell of a person that Alec felt he was.

Magnus flinched, obviously that had been the wrong thing to say. Alec sighed. Maybe he had gotten to ahead of himself? He had thought there was something there before there really was. Magnus had only seen the carefully contained parts of him, and he himself had seen even fewer parts of Magnus, it was beginning to make him feel like all of this was caving in on him. Magnus had seemed too good to be true, and if something was too good to be true, it generally was.

"Is something wrong?"

"There are so many things that are wrong that it's hard for me to pick one and focus on it…" Alec laughed, hard and bitter, it was painful like some was stabbing him in the gut.

"Are you and Jace still fighting?"

"No, Jace and I are fine." He paused. "But I guess, one might consider 'fine' a relative term because fine is far from what I'm feeling."

"If you need someone to talk to you can talk to me."

Alec snorted and shook his head. "Don't lie to me. Sure, you don't know everything about me, but you haven't shared one personal thing to me about your childhood. I don't know who your friends are, I don't know any of your hobbies, and you won't tell me about your pervious relationships. How can I feel comfortable about telling you anything?"

Magnus just stared at him, his hand gripping the door. He appeared to be mulling over what Alec had said and it was obvious he didn't like it.

"Why won't you just tell me what's wrong?" Magnus insisted.

"Because you won't tell me yours!" He paused as he felt tears well up in his eyes. Then he threw his hands up like he was surrendering "Okay, fine! Do you want to know what my problem is? It's that I'm drowning in guilt because of my little brother Max." Magnus's eyebrows bunched into the center of his forehead. "You haven't a chance to meet him. That's because one day at the park, this last summer we were playing Frisbee and I turned my back on him for one second and he was gone. My whole family has no idea where he is or even if he might still possibly be alive. So Magnus, there you go, welcome to the aftermath of that!"

Why was Alec saying all of this? Why was he being so mean? Magnus didn't deserve that. But Alec couldn't stop himself, he was so angry and so frustrated. Magnus had only ever been kind to him, and here he was being brash and cruel.

"Did something happen?"

Tears spilled down Alec's cheek as he nodded his head in confirmation to Magnus's question. "They thought they might have found him, but in the end they didn't."

Alec's knees buckled out from under him and he fell forward onto his hands and knees, pounding his fists into the pavement as he sobbed. He didn't care if it was childish because he felt like a child. He felt like a little boy who wanted nothing more than to see his younger brother and knew with an odd certainty that that was never going to happen.

Magnus walked over to him and sat down beside him and gathered him up in his arms. "It's going to be okay." He kept on repeating as Alec's hands clenched fists full of his shirt, too afraid to let go.

This wasn't like one of Alec panic attacks. When he had those, the world would fall away with him swallowed up by darkness that he'd was desperately trying not to let confine him. No, this was different. This was the world more alive than he had ever seen before, with it slashed opened like a gaping wound, and his hope pulling away from him like the same poles of a magnet. Then when it slipped away it made sure that it scrapped across the raw flesh, sending searing pain shooting through him. He couldn't keep getting his hopes up, just to have them dashed. Eventually he wouldn't be able to bounce back, with or without Magnus.


	8. Chapter 8

_Hey Everyone, yeah it's been a little awhile, but here you guys all are a new chapter that hopefully makes up for the last one. Good things happen. Though in the next chapter, I mess them all up again...I should stop doing that, but it's just to much fun. Anyways thank you guys for all the Alerts and Favs. All of you are truly amazing. Please keep your amazingness up. =)_

 _If you please, Read, alert, favor, review, and most importantly enjoy. (Because that's the reason I write). Now, I'm going to go to bed. But I promise I'll see you soon with chapter 9._

 _~Kai_

* * *

Chairman Meow stretched, his butt sticking straight up in the air, before he settled down in Alec's lap. How Alec had ended up in Magnus's apartment was kind of a blur. But somehow once again he found himself sitting upon Magnus's indigo couch. His eye lids still felt heavy from all the crying he had done up on the roof. Magnus was hustling about the kitchen, but for what, he wasn't sure. What he wanted to do was sleep, just to have this damn day end. To go to sleep and wake up the next morning, praying that the new day would be better than this one. The once perfect moment with Magnus of that morning, was nothing but faint memories overshadowed by the devastating blow of the news, or in this case, lack of news.

He scratched the Chairman behind the ear, and the cat purred. They had become quite the friends since Alec's increasing number of visits, over the past couple of months. Magnus had seemed surprised by the bonding, claiming that the Chairman hadn't ever liked anyone other than himself before. He closed his eyes and pressed the cat a little tighter into his chest, the cat squirmed a for a moment as he readjusted himself on his chosen lap, seeming to sense Alec's need for comfort.

"I think I got too ahead of myself. I was overwhelmed by the happiness I had allowed myself. After spending all those months denying it to myself, I let Magnus in like he was a breath of fresh air. What was I thinking?" Alec sighed as the Chairman stared at him with his large green eyes.

"You probably thought that something wonderful might happen." Magnus's voice was soft as he came over and sat next to Alec on the couch. "I might have pushed you too much in the beginning and I'm sorry for that. I honestly just thought that you had commitment issues and were just a tad over dramatic about them. For that terrible assumption, I apologize."

Alec slowly shook his head. "I didn't do anything I didn't want to do. I wanted to be happy and I…." his voice trailed off.

"Still want to be with me?" Magnus asked slowly, like he was testing the waters. He knew Alec was on unstable ground and he didn't want to cause him to panic more. It was something Jace would have done for him, maybe that had been why Alec had been attracted to Magnus from the very beginning. He reflected a number of Jace's traits that Alec had loved. They weren't mirrored reflections, but they shared underlying values that were close to Alec's heart.

Slowly he nodded his head. He did want to be with Magnus and there was only one thing he wanted more. But he wasn't about to sacrifice his new happiness on only a slim possibility that Max might come back. It was just so unlikely. How horrible must he be to honestly believe that? A shiver shot up his spine and tears began to well back up in his eyes. How could there still be more?

"But I don't think you should give up hope for Max." Magnus sputtered in a rush. Was this man capable of reading his mind?

"But the statistics…"

"It doesn't matter what the statistics say. Some times for your own sake, you just got to keep hoping," Magnus said as he reached out and brushed a tear out of the corner of Alec's eye. The two of them stared at one another, until Magnus reached out and grabbed Alec's hand.

It seemed amazing to him that Magnus could bring about this kind of calm in him. Often he felt like waves were constantly churning around in his insides, tearing holes, and wreaking havoc. Yet, Magnus would only touch him, the lightest of brushes against his cheek, his hands, his lips, and the waves would still to focus on him.

"I want to have hope, but I can't build myself up to have it all come crashing down on me. I'm not strong enough."

"There you go with all that 'I' I crap. Do you actually think I would let you go through all of that alone?" Magnus demanded as he squeezed Alec's hand tighter.

"I can't expect you to be around for forever. You'll get tired of the guilt and self-loathing. We've only been dating a day, if you can even call it that. I can't put that kind of pressure on you. What if you come to resent me because of it? God, Magnus I don't want to lose you too."

Magnus leaned forward and brushed his lips against his, and whispered. "Let me decide how much pressure I can handle." Slowly he pulled back and Alec bit his lip as he felt like there might be a but somewhere in this conversation. "But since, you unloaded your baggage on me, I thought it might be fair if I to shared mine."

Alec blinked at him in surprise. This hadn't been what he had expected at all. Sure, up on the roof he had mentioned it, but that had been out of anger, and him selfishly taking it out on Magnus. He released it all, him missing Max and how it cut into his bone, just shy of the veins, where his blood ran dark and hot under his skin. It was torture, but being without Magnus would be worse. At least with Magnus there was a light, even if it was as brief as lightning breaking the sky.

"No, you don't have to admit anything you're not ready to admit yet. I only said that…" Alec's voice trailed off, Magnus already knew why he had said those things, there was no need to be repeating himself.

"I know, but you were right. I always pried answers out of you for all of my questions, but I never volunteered any information myself because I knew deep down that you would be too polite to ask as personal of questions. It's just not in your nature and I took advantage of that." Magnus sighed.

Magnus reached out and scratched the Chairman behind the ears, but he stayed curled up on Alec's lap.

"Magnus, please we don't have to talk about this…I just want…" Magnus shifted on the couch and placed a hand on his chest as he leaned forward slamming their lips together in a forceful kiss.

Alec's hand weaved his fingers through Magnus's dark locks, while Magnus's hands teased, brushing across the waistband of his jeans. He groaned. God, did he want this, but…Magnus pulled away sensing his hesitation.

"Yeah, you're right not the best time, and I haven't even take you on that date I promised. How about you pick where you want to go?" Magnus said as a wide grin spread across his face. Not seeming hurt that Alec had kind of de-buffed his advances.

Alec bit his lip. He knew exactly where he wanted to go with Magnus, but it seemed silly and his cheeks flared up with heat. "I'd like to go to the zoo." He mumbled as he buried his face in his hands.

Magnus laughed. "That sounds great. It's been years since I went to the zoo."

"We use to go all the time, the whole family but stopped since Max's disappearance. And I guess I miss it." Alec muttered, his face still warm as he dropped his hands down into his lap, and locking eyes with Magnus.

"Never completely give what makes you happy, unless it's drugs give that stuff. It's bad for your body." Magnus teased and leaned forward kissing Alec once again.

"Well, isn't that rich coming from a guy who stress smokes in hiding, afraid that his cat with judge him." Alec teased back. Magnus winked at him.

How could it be that simple? But it was. What kind of magic powers did Magnus have? Sure, he couldn't stop the pain completely, but it felt lighter, more manageable. It was like Magnus was the sunrise being over the hills, signaling the darkest part was over. It was amazing what a few hours spent with the one you loved made you feel.

Alec suddenly stopped breathing. Was he honestly in love with Magnus? It was hard to tell at this particular moment in his life, but he knew he wanted to get the chance to find out. He wanted to be given the opportunity fall in love, if he wasn't already there. Everyone wanted that, to fall in love and be loved in return.

* * *

"Turn around, I want to take a picture of you and the porcupine. Other than all the glitter, you guys could practically be twins," Alec said as Magnus turned and scowled at him.

"Ha ha, you're so funny Alexander."

"I did think I was pretty hilarious," Alec said with a big grin on his face.

It was a beautiful first day of Spring and just like Magnus promised they went on their first date to the zoo. The sun was shining, boasting ideals of grandeur, teasing that the winter weather might finally behind him. Sure, there would still be a few cold days through the next couple of months, but the weather was on the upswing.

It had taken them a couple of weeks to get there, the drama of nearly finding Max had subsided, with life returning to steady rhythm. That mostly consisted of Alec spending even more time with Magnus, if that was at all possible. But on occasion Alec felt like the wind had been knocked out of his lungs. But he wasn't going to let that happen today. He wasn't going to wallow and let this date that Magnus worked hard to plan get wrecked by his guilt.

"I know this is probably hard for you," Magnus said as he reached out and took Alec's hand.

He nodded. It was hard, but it wasn't as hard as he thought it could have been. The detective had been right that day. Whatever Alec had been doing about getting better, was working and being out on a day like this with Magnus made him want to keep getting better. Sure, he doubted he would ever completely get over the devastating loss of Max, but like Magnus had said he just needed to keep hoping and for right now that had to be enough.

"It is, but I want to be here. I wanted to show you what makes me happy. There is so much I wanted to tell you about Max. I want to tell you everything. His favorite animal are the giraffes," Alec said as he pointed over towards their enclosure with his free hand, his camera slapping against his wrist.

Magnus nodded and squeezed his hand tighter.

Over the last couple of weeks Magnus had been acting a little strange. Alec thought it might have guilt because Alec had unloaded all of his bag upon him, but Magnus still had revealed nothing. But that was fine with him, he wanted Magnus to tell him about his life on his own terms, not just when he felt pressured to.

This was also the biggest reason Alec held off on telling Magnus he loved him. It felt like it was obvious that he did, but something made him pause every time the words were about to leave his lips.

Together the two of them walked through the zoo seeing all the animals and the exhibits the zoo offered. The last stop was the gift shop, where Magnus purchased him a stuffed lion. Alec looked at it with raised eyebrows.

"I'm not sure I understand."

"You are a lion." Magnus paused and tilted his head to the side like he was realizing something for the first time. "Maybe, that's why the Chairman loves you so much, you are one of his own."

Alec laughed. He guessed there were probably much worse things to be than a cat that got laze around Magnus's apartment all day and shed cat hair on everything. It sounded pretty good.

"Why am I a lion?" He asked and Magnus shrugged as he looked down at his shoes in embarrassment, a very unlike Magnus thing to do.

"Mostly because you're the bravest person I know, but there are a thousand other reasons that would take me far too long to list."


End file.
